Dear Daughter

Dear Sweet Baby Daughter of Mine...

Confession: the thought of having a daughter completely terrifies me. Yes, I really just admitted that.

Don't get me wrong, baby girl, I absolutely can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to see who you look like, and hold you in my arms, and kiss your sweet face, and dress you up in all the adorable clothes hanging in your closet, and introduce you to your amazing big brother, and see the love in your daddy's eyes when he holds you for the first time. All of that stuff totally excites me. It's what comes later, in the years of raising you into a little girl, teenager, and young woman that totally freaks me out. There are so many things I am afraid of...like not teaching you everything I'm supposed to, and not being the kind of example you need me to be, and mostly, not having the kind of relationship with you as you grow that I so desire to have. I want to not only be your mom, but also your friend. That is my prayer and my desire for us.

Sweet girl, I love you so much already, and I love thinking about all the fun "girly" things we will get to do together as you grow up. I can't wait to get our nails done together, go shopping, play dolls, get our hair done, and do so many other things together that boys just don't understand. I pray that we will make so many fun memories together that you will cherish and always remember.

One of the things I am most looking forward to is the relationship between you and your sensitive, loving, thoughtful big brother who already adores you. He is so excited for you to be here, and tells me every day about all the things he will do to help out, and all the toys he will share with you. You are the luckiest little girl to have a big brother like Hadley.

And your daddy...oh will he be wrapped around your little finger!! He may be the last to admit it, but he is one of the most sensitive caring people you will meet. And he will protect you with his life. We are all so blessed to have him as the leader of our family.

Precious girl, I hope you will always know how much I love you and how special you are to me, despite my nerves or anxiety. You are, and will always be, my little girl, my heart.

Mommy

38 (and a half) Weeks

I forgot to post this picture yesterday, and to be accurate I was 38 weeks 3 days when I took this.

37 Weeks

The countdown is on...(just wish I knew exactly what day we were counting down to!!)

36 Weeks

It's April...the month I get to finally meet this baby girl!!!

On another note, last night when I checked on Hadley in bed it suddenly hit me that these are the last days/weeks of our little family of three; the last days/weeks of having only one little to hug and kiss at night. I need to make a very conscious effort to enjoy and treasure every one of the days to come with my sweet boy.

Baby Shower

This past Saturday, I had a sweet baby shower for Baby Girl. She got lots of cute (pink) stuff!!

Making onesies for baby girl

35 Weeks

35 Weeks...Baby Lew 2 is almost here...Am I ready??...Can't wait to see her sweet little face!!

34 Weeks

There's no hiding this belly...it just keeps getting bigger and bigger! I cannot believe I get to meet this baby girl in 6 weeks (or less!).

31 Weeks

This picture is a couple days over-due...but here is the 31 week post.

Baby girl's room is starting to come together. Curtains are made and hung, bumper pad is made and other bedding is in the works. It's starting to look like a little girl's room!! Exciting!!

Doctor Appointment

So today was a (pretty uneventful) doctors appointment for Baby Lew 2. However, I just want to document the stats (more for my own records).

Weight: Same as last month - gained 0 pounds! (Total gained so far in this pregnancy is only 6 pounds! Yay me!!)

Blood Pressure: 126/78

Baby's Heart Rate: 147-153

My appointments will get closer together now, as I start going every two weeks. Home stretch!!

30 Weeks

Wow...this pregnancy is going by so quickly!! I find it hard to believe that in 10 weeks or less I will be holding this sweet baby girl. Wow!! (Is it weird that just thinking about that makes me cry??)

28 Weeks

28 weeks with Baby Lew 2 (and yes, these are some of the same clothes you keep seeing over and over in these pictures...maternity clothes selection is limited in my closet!)

27 Weeks - Third Trimester!

26 Weeks

26 weeks pregnant with Baby Lew 2!

Today was a busy doctor appointment...I got to drink this

...and then see these...

That would be her leg/foot kicking me!

Sweet face!

Heart rate = 147

And now she's punching me!

Spine

Also I had my Rhogam shot (since I have A- blood), and a blood draw. Good times!

Good news...everyone is healthy and growing...and still a baby sister!!

25 Weeks

25 weeks with Baby Lew 2...this is going by really fast!

24 Weeks

24 Weeks along with Baby Lew 2!! I'm getting more and more excited to meet this sweet little girl!!

21 Weeks

It's hard to believe I'm already over half way through this pregnancy! Things are going really well so far, and time is flying by. I am enjoying all of baby girl's movements these days (one of my favorite things about pregnancy!). Can't wait to meet this sweet girl!

19 Weeks

Baby Lew 2 is busy and growing...19 weeks! She has been pretty wiggly lately, which I love!

18 Weeks

I can't believe I am already 18 weeks along with Baby Lew 2. I am starting to feel tiny little movements at times, which is my absolute favorite part of being pregnant!

Hadley is getting more excited about being a big brother...

...to his baby sister!!! Yep...we are having a girl!! Bring on the bows, flowers, and ruffles!

FIVE!!!

November 17, 2008 11:00 p.m. - I was trying to sleep in the recliner, just like I had every night for the past month, when I started feeling cramps/contractions. I stayed in the chair, checking the time on my phone each time a cramp/contraction came. At first, it seemed to be happening about 20 minutes apart. Eventually the time shortened to 15 minutes. Still, I remained in the chair, not waking Eric, thinking maybe they would subside.

November 18, 2008 1:00 a.m. - By this time, I was convinced the pains were indeed contractions, and they were definitely getting closer together. When they were about 10 minutes apart I went into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Each time a contraction came I would cringe and double over in pain. I guess all that movement eventually woke Eric up, who asked what was going on. I told him about the contractions, and he jumped out of bed faster than I thought possible. He wasn't in a panic, but he also wasn't his normal calm self. (I was actual more calm than he was at this point!). He asked if I thought we should go to the hospital, and I wouldn't give him an answer. I'm pretty sure that was not the right response, and he started getting dressed and getting our stuff together. (Luckily, we were already packed since I was actually set to be induced the next day.)

2:00 a.m. - We headed to the hospital in Sherman (about 30 miles away). Eric started making phone calls when we pulled out of the drive way. I'm not sure who all he called, but looking back, I'm also sure he should not have been on the phone considering how fast he was driving. I do remember, at one point in the drive, passing a highway patrol car and not even worrying about the consequences. I think we actually made it all the way to the hospital in just at 10 minutes. Yikes! Every time I had a contraction, Eric would go even faster. I think he was afraid I was going to have the baby in the car! Ha!

2:15 a.m. - We went to the E.R. when we arrived at the hospital, and before I could even finish my sentence "I think I am in labor" there was a nurse with a wheelchair at my side telling me to get in. Note to self - if you ever want to get super speedy service in an E.R. just say you are in labor! They do not waste any time getting you out of there and up to labor & delivery.

2:30 a.m. (approximately) - Get into L&D room, into lovely gown, and into bed. At that point, things were a bit of a blur with monitors, nurses, contractions, etc. I do remember telling Eric to stop touching me. Ha! I also remember the nurse telling me she had to wait until the doctor came in the morning to do rounds to confirm I was in labor. She kept saying, he might send you home. And I kept thinking, I am not going anywhere!! They wouldn't give me anything (epidural, etc.) until he came by.

7:00 a.m. - Shift change for the nurses, and I met my "new" nurse, Tammy, who was absolutely amazing. I am convinced, to this day, that she is a huge reason my labor went so smoothly. I will definitely request her again if she is still at the hospital!

9:00 a.m. (ish) - Dr. finally came. He proceeded to look at the monitor read outs, check me, break my water, and leave. (And good morning to you, too, Dr.!) The good news was, I could now start the pre-epidural process. Nurse Tammy said I would need two full bags of IV fluid before I could get an epidural so I stuck my arm out and asked her to please get that started.

Times got pretty blurred together at this point, so we will just say, something during the day of November 18...

I remember sometime later in the morning, after finally receiving all the IV fluid required, asking when the epidural was coming. Nurse Tammy said she had already sent for anesthesia, so that was in the works. There was a ton of paperwork that I had to sign before they would continue, and I was continuing to be in more and more pain. However, at some point, Nurse Tammy looked me in the eye and said, if you want this epidural then you are going to have to forget about the pain for a few minutes and sign all these papers. The quicker you sign, the quicker you get relief. Something about that clicked in my head and I signed (what I think was my name!) on about 101 pieces of paper. Soon after that the room seemed to fill with strange people, all telling me what to do. Again, Nurse Tammy looked right at me and told me to listen to no one but her. She said she would tell me exactly what to do and when to do it. She had me lean into her while they did every part of the epidural, and she just talked to me the whole time, telling me to breath and relax. The good news was, I didn't really even feel the needle (despite Eric telling me later that they actually had to stick me twice!). Within minutes, literally, I felt relief. I was relaxed, smiling, and actually ready to talk to people. I remember Nurse Tammy saying, you are actually a really nice person after all! And look at your dimples! Aren't epidurals amazing! How right she was!!

At some point during the morning (no idea when), Eric's parents and Aunt Sue got to the hospital. I don't remember seeing them until after the epidural, but that doesn't mean they weren't there. Maybe I was just finally able to acknowledge people at that point. I think I also made a few phone calls, or at least talked to some of my family on the phone at some point during the day. And I finally was able to sleep a little too.

As far as how I was progressing, I don't really remember when I was at certain points throughout the day, but I do remember Nurse Tammy telling me how quickly I seemed to be progressing without any help (or pitocen) at all. I also remember her commenting on how great my epidural was, since I could still move my legs however and wherever they requested, but was not in any pain. I'm telling you, epidurals are amazing!!

3:00 p.m. (ish) - They decided to check me again, and at that point also decided to practice pushing. Once they told me what position to get into, and how to hold my legs, and how to push, I distinctly remember Nurse Tammy saying, STOP! I didn't really think I was pushing at that point, but apparently whatever I was doing was causing something to happen. She said, unless you want me to deliver this baby, you better stop what you are doing. She told someone to get the Dr. there pretty quick because it wasn't going to be long until this baby came. The funny thing was, I don't remember ever being anxious or nervous at any point in the day about this moment. (Which is pretty unusual for me because I am normally a very anxious, worrisome person.) I think I just knew that someone who knew exactly what they were doing was in control on the situation, and she was going to handle it and tell me exactly what to do and when to do it.

Sometime between about 3:15 and 3:40 p.m. - I pushed a few times, each time asking Eric if anything was happening. I really had no idea what kind of progress was going on. At one point when I asked him if I was even pushing or if anything was happening he said, um yeah, the head is out. What??

3:41 p.m. - Hadley Max Lewis was born!! What an amazing feeling! I just had a baby! What??

3:42 p.m. through the rest of the day - After Hadley was born, I remember watching Eric as he watched the nurses tend to Hadley, getting him cleaned up and wrapped up. The Dr. was still there for a little while (taking care of me), but I don't remember him leaving. I just remember when they finally picked up Hadley and handed him to Eric. I think that's when it hit me...we had a baby! That's also when I remember the tears coming. (Good grief - it's making me cry even typing this!) And then Eric brought that sweet, tiny, 6 pound baby to me for the first time, and I finally got to see and hold this miraculous little person that had been inside me just a few minutes earlier. Wow! We just looked at him in amazement. I honestly have no idea how long we just sat there staring before a nurse said, there are some people in the lobby asking about you. That's when Eric's parents came in to meet Hadley, and we finally revealed his name (which we knew all along, but had been keeping a secret from everyone else). Later that evening, after making lots of phone calls, I was moved to a postpartum room, finally had some food (Texas Roadhouse actually), and the rest is history.

November 18, 2013 - Hadley Max is five years old today. A whole hand! How did that happen? The past five years have been filled with lots of laughter, lots of tears, happy times, sad times, struggles, successes, lots of changes, and more memories than I could ever recount. I am beyond happy to have been blessed with my sensitive, kind, polite, silly, shy, loyal, stubborn, happy boy. I love you to the moon and back, Hadley Max.

16 Weeks